VS
by Alrye
Summary: When it comes to an owner and a pet, who is the one really in charge? The hand that feeds? Or the compain? Read and find out! CRACK FIC!


Hi everyone! Welcome to my first ever Bleach Fanfic! -claps her hands-

Now the funny thing is, I've never read nor watched Bleach! And yet I know half the bullshit that happens! -laughing evilly-

I know that Aizen's a prick, Mayuri's a creepy pedo and that Isshin's a fucking trip and half! and all of them leave Poor Berry-tan too tired to even cry! -mock sobbing-

But not to worry Grimmjow's there to make it better! -deluding herself again-

ANYWAY! Time to start! And goes out to Kuro no Kaoru-chan! She/he's my bestest buddy! If it wasn't for her/him. I wouldn't have come up with this! And this goes to prove that random shit leads to even more random shit! ENJOY!

Warnings: Mild Yaoi, OOCness, language and crappy humor.

Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Bleach? No? Then you are correct; I don't own squat!

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><p>-First Person POV-<p>

I sat in my hiding spot, waiting as the clock ticked away the seconds before he arrived. Yes, I could smell him getting closer, I could hear him now... Yhe clicking of his shoes on the luminal floors.

Ah! He's got his keys!

The click of the lock!

And-

-Normal POV-

"MREEEOW!"

"AAAAAAH! PANTERA YOU FUCKING BITCH GET OFF OF ME! LET ME GO RIGHT NOW! OUCH DON"T DIG YOUR CLAWS INTO MY FACE! AHHHH! NEL I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" screamed a very upset Blueberry by the name of Grimmjow Anthony Jeagerjaques. The young singer was being mauled to death by his cat, Angelica Pantera. She was a gift from his little sister Neliel for when he hit it big three years ago and from a cute cuddly kitten she turned into the thing that attacks him every chance she gets.

Finally grabbing Pantera by the scruff of her neck he got her to let him go and put her at a safe distance from his face and glared at her. She glared right back, though she had a smug look to her face. growling he tossed her across the room, smirking when she yowled in pain from hitting the wall and falling gracelessly to the floor.

"That's what you get you rotten flea bag."

-Pantera's POV-

OUCH! How dare he throw me like that! I am his mother!

Did he just call me a flea bag! Why I ought to piss in his morning coffee that ungrateful brat! Yes, I have a human kitten and very stupid one at that! He's due for mating season and he has yet to select a mate, and it is driving me mad since the females he brings home smell like the tramps of whatever litter they came from. I refuse to see him settle with such unfaithful she-cats!

Getting up I begin the long process of re-grooming my rich royal white fur and cleaning my face. I cannot hope to find my kitten a suitable mate if I look like I was mauled by a tom, and let the bastard get away with it. You don't hit it and beat it with me, oh no! You don't play with Ms. Angelica like that!

I smile at my groomed perfection once more and gracefully pad down the hall to my Kitten's room and jump on to his bed where he had his music around him. He had his music board out to and he looked to be having trouble. His smooth face was scrunched up as if he smelt my day old litter box. His beautiful cyan blue eyes glowed and were sharp like a predator. Yes, my kitten was a hunter and strong one at that. I meow softly and he grabs my carefully and sits me in his lap, his hand idly playing with my ears as he mumbles nonsense and hums a tune or two.

Yes, I love it when we're like this. He has a lovely voice for a stupid tom, but he's my little boy so I'm very proud. We sit here for hours, me listening to him, purring when I liked something, hissing or giving a huff when I didn't. Sometimes I'd play with his music board, and he'd laugh and say I am as good as he is. I better be! I'm his mother damn it! Ooh, how unlady like of me to cuss. Forgive me.

But our peace is broken by that thing that rattles and I hiss, trying to scare it away but it continues until my kitten picks it up and I hear him talk.

"Grimm," he says, his lips pulling into wide smile, his eyes darkening just right... If only he were an actual tom and not my son I'd make him my mate, but alas, not all is fair. Ah well.

I get up and let him have his privacy after all I have a date of my own... I climbed out of the window in the living room and jumped onto the tree across from it and then down it and onto a bench were the sun is at it's warmest and lay down. I am early, but that is alright. Zangetsu always shows up at the same time...

He may not be like my kitten, but his dominance is absolute and it makes me quiver how he can command me and I happily obey.

"Tera..."

I look up and he is here. My beloved Zangetsu...

-Time skip; Pantera's POV-

I sat on the sofa, I don't feel so well. I wasn't hungry this morning and I've thrown up a few times. Why now! I have always been healthy and I have taken very good care of myself and my foolish Kitten feeds me well! I tried to get up, but I feel dizzy, so I lay down once more. My ears perk and I hear my kitten coming home. The lock clicking as the keys rattle, but I do not attempt my normal attacks. I wish my kitten would learn to always anticipate the unexpected because if he takes a mate he needs to expect that many other toms will try and steal them away. This is why I attack and maul him when he fails to stop me.

"Pantera? What's wrong, you haven't mauled me like normal... You okay?" he asks.

I look up at him.

'I feel like I ate your manager's concoction!'

He pets my head and then picks me up- Oh no!

I throw up again and he panics. He cradles me in his arm as he uses that device and calls his manager. The female soon arrives and looks at me, she has a bunny, a grouchy little thing called Rukia and two boy bunnies who mate all year round when they have a chance. The dominant is Byakuya and the submissive is Renji.

"We'll have to take her to the Vet."

My eyes go big and I begin clawing at my Kitten, yowling as loudly as I can trying to convey my displeasure of that blue haired freak that likes to stick things where they don't belong! I bite his arm, but he holds me tightly and then that evil contraption comes into view. Okay forgive my cussing but:

"FUCK YOU, YOU EVIL LITTLE SHIT!"

-Normal POV-

Grimmjow winced as Pantera freaked out. He struggled with her before he finally stuffed her into her carrier and locked her in. He glared at his manager, Orihime Inoue. The orange haired girl quickly apologized before she picked up her own duffle bag, which was actually a carrier for her bunnies, Rukia, Renji and Byakuya.

"Come on, my Vet is closer than Dr. Mayuri," Orihime said as she led Grimmjow out of the house.

He nodded and locked his door before following the girl to her car and getting in. They set their pets down in the back and she started the car as soon as he buckled his seat belt. They drove down the road and headed for the quieter neighborhoods. They passed playgrounds, friendly parents and elders as they passed small shops and stores. Grimmjow smiled, he thought it must be nice to live away from the hustle and the bustle of the city.

"Here we are!" Orihime cheered as she parked in the small parking lot away from the ER Parking spot before she shut off her car and got her pets out of the back. Grimmjow did the same and followed her inside. "Hi Yuzu-chan!"

"Ohh, Ms. Inoue! Sorry I'm kinda busy... NO! Down Shiro!" Yuzu scolded the pure white wolf pup that was trying to climb up on her to like her face. His gold on black eyes wide with happiness.

A girl with black hair was tugging on his leash, but the pup was very strong. Both fell, one from losing her grip, the other from the wolf's weight. a younger wolf pup walked over and nipped the pup's ears and grunted.

"Jeez... About time you stepped in Toshiro!" the black haired girl growled as the smaller white pup looked at her bored.

"Oh, Ms. Inoue! Sorry we just got some animals from the Zoo and well... HOLY CRAP WHO LET YACHIRU OUT OF HER CAGE!" shouted a man as he chased the pink blur back and forth before the back door opened and a calm voice called out.

"Everyone... SIT!"

And like magic all the animals sat down and even humans planted their asses onto the floor. Grimmjow stared in awe of the human who walked through the door, long spiky orange hair was tied in a neat pony tail as dark blue glasses sat on a straight, slightly up turned nose as sepia brown eyes glittered with warmth and mirth even as the full pouty lips were pulled into a frown. The young man was tall, 5'10" at the most and he was lean and lithe. Grimmjow blushed a bit at the angel that floated about the room getting the pink little puppy back into her cage and telling her to behave or he wouldn't give her a treat. He even got the two white wolf pups to settle down in their pen to wait for the Zookeeper to come back to collect them and their mother from their monthly check up.

He helped the two girls back to their feet and even gave the old man some water before he turned to his manager and smiled warmly at her.

"Hey Inoue. Sorry about the chaos. You know how it is when we get Zooo animals in here... Ooh, are you new?" He asked seeing Grimmjow, having to look up a bit at him.

"Kurosaki-kun, this is my charge, Grimmjow Jeagerjaques."

"As in the singer? For Espada?" the orange haired young man asked.

"Hai! His cat wasn't feeling well so we came here. I hope don't mind," Orihime said, sounding much like a wounded puppy.

The young man shook his head and led them back as he passed the other three.

"Dad, let me know when Zaraki-san arrives. Also tell Unohana-san that Sajin is the father or two healthy male wolf pups and that Rangiku's going to need a lot of rest seeing as her pups are pretty hyper even if Toshiro-kun's more tame than his brother. Yuzu, Karin you guys got a handle on the other patients?"

"Yep! You go tend to Jeagerjaques-san!" Yuzu, the light brown haired girl said as the black haired one smirked and nodded her head.

He nodded and led them to the back room. He indicated the examination table and Orihime put her duffle down and let her bunnies pop out. The orangette nodded his head first as he pulls on a set of gloves and looks them over real quick, but thoroughly.

"Rukia's gained some weight finally. That's good. And Renji's going to have a baby soon. Byakuya, lay off on the sex or you'll hurt them," the doctor said as the black haired bunny with the cold glare nipped his fingers as the red haired one snuggled into his mate.

"Bya-chan! Don't bite Kurosaki-kun! He's helping Ren-chan!" Orihime scolded, poking Byakuya's head knowing he hated that.

"Alright, sorry for the wait. Now then shall we take a look at your cat?" Kurosaki asked.

Grimmjow nodded and reached for the latch on the cage...

-Pantera POV-

I didn't know where I was, there was chaos all over and I could smell bigger animals here. Ooh god, he's gonna feed me to some bear! Suddenly I saw my kitten's arm and his hand removing the latch. I waited, if he thinks I'm going to let him feed me to some bear, then I'm taking as much of him as I can with me!

Click!

The doors open and he leans down to see where I am and I let out my fiercest war cry and latch onto his head.

-Normal POV-

"Holy shit! PANTERA! GET THE FUCK OFF! OUCH DON'T BITE MY NOSE! GAAAAH!"

Orihime tried to catch Grimmjow as he fought to get his demonic cat off his face, but Pantera refused, scratching him and biting him as he tried to get her off without hurting her more than needed. Kurosaki watched with wide eyes before he felt something drop onto his shoulder. He smiled at his own cat, Zangetsu. The black cat watched with amused eyes and then let out a droning meow that stopped the attacking cat who turned to look at his own before it settled down and Grimmjow quickly put her on the table and backed away.

"Thanks Zangetsu... Come help me take a look at this little lady," he said.

-Pantera POV-

I sat stunned, my mate looked amused at me and I blushed. My ears perking up when I heard his kitten call me a lady. I smiled at least someone had a smart kitten! I glared at my baka kitten before Zangetsu sits down before me and licks my face and nuzzles my neck.

"Tera, he's not a kitten. He is your master. You do not control him, he controls you."

"Then he's doing a poor job of it."

"If you attack him like that then yes."

I snort and gasp when I am picked up and I come face to face with a pretty kitten. I look at Zangetsu and he chuckles before introducing me.

"That's my master, Ichigo. He's very nice. Not to worry, he won't do anything strange."

I nodded and turn back to him. He smiles and sets me down and starts with looking in my eyes and ears, his gentle touch tickled. I purred in content when he scratched my throat the way I like.

'Oh yeah, that's the spot! A little to the left...'

I hear Zangetsu laugh and say something about golden fingers and I just purr louder. He stops, much to my disappointment and looks at my paws and tail then he feels my back and sides before he presses on my belly and I whimper in pain. He blinks and does it again, slowly massaging the acing spot making me feel dizzy.

"She seems to be pregnant... I need to examine her belly," I hear him speak.

I look at Zangetsu and he nods at me that it's fine. I lay there as he gets something and soon he presses it to my stomach and he hums before smiling. I look at him as he points at the screen what as my... master looks and his manager too. The bunnies are looking at me with wide eyes and i glare at them. What?

"Yep, she's pregnant. She's probably just achy from the first few stages of it. It's pretty common in first time mothers... Hear that little lady? You're going to be a mommy!"

I look stunned and Zangetsu smiles and licks my ear before laying down behind me and purring. I'm going to be a mommy...

-Time Skip; Pantera POV-

I sat in the living room Zan was here with the kids and they were happily playing with a ball of yarn that my master's mate brought and I watched with Zan as they chased it round sometimes getting tangled up in. Ichigo and my master talked and kissed, as they watched the flashing box. I could hear another of my master's songs playing and I purred. It sounded really good, but then again he made it for his mate. Zan looked at me and I smiled back, before leaning down and licking one of my kitten's ears since she wanted another bath.

Zan and I looked up when the box suddenly went off and we saw out masters get up to move into my mate's room. I sighed and shook my head. Really, this is getting so tiresome! My master's a moron... He's always in heat, but his mate is cute. I wish he were a cat so I could properly teach him courtship... Uh oh, I better stop him before he takes his mate before mating season. The baka just can't wait!

-Normal POV-

Pantera snuck into the room and watched as Grimmjow began kissing Ichigo's neck and sucked on the sensitive spots all the while taking off his shirt. But before he could get any further, Pantera jumped onto his naked back and began clawing at him. He screamed and threw himself onto the floor trying to get his demon cat off of him.

"DAMN FUCKING CAT!"

-Pantera POV-

I jumped off and looked at him smugly.

'No mating until mating season!'

"Don't look at me like that, ya flea bag!"

I gasped as he insulted me and I latched onto his face next, his mate laughing as I taught him a lesson on respecting his mother! How dare he? I dive at his feet and begin my vicious attack biting an clawing at his feet as he jumps around trying to get away from me. His mate laughs and tries to hide it but that is a failed attempt.

"Tera..."

I looked at my mate and sigh, leaving the baka alone. I'm sure he won't be trying that again any time soon. I turn and walk away, but before I can even get to where my mate and kittens are I feel a swift pain in my backside and suddenly I'm in the accursed contraption again! I turn to run out, but Zan is thrust in and the kittens placed inside as well before we are set in the in the living room and I see my master smirking at me in victory as he closes his door.

"That son of a bi-"

-Normal POV-

"MEEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOW!"

Grimmjow laughed as he closed the door to his room and walked over to his berry.

"Now maybe we can get a bit further than kissing. Damned Pantera..." Grimmjow growled as Ichigo purred and pulled the bigger male on top of him.

"Then come on... Before she figures out how to get out of the cage and opens the door." Ichigo said as he pulled Grimm on top of him.

FIN!

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><p>And there you have it! My little oneshot! Now don't worry I'll finish those stories that I did the poll for soon and I'll post them up. Sorry for those who wanted Sum #1 and SasuNaru. I tried and couldn't make it fit, so I'll write something else to make up for it! But I will be posting Sum #1 soon and it will be under Bleach! Kuro no Kaoru-chan, thanks again!<p> 


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